


The Journey Continues...

by Willbakefordean



Series: Unintentional Journey [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Domesticity, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, John's A+ Parenting, Kid Fic, M/M, Male Lactation, Post Mpreg, discussion of sort of non con, post partum stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-10 14:00:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6987868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willbakefordean/pseuds/Willbakefordean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hope you don't mind a timestamp or two for this particular story... What happened to our boys when they brought the little guy home??? Feel free to leave prompts...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Day Home or How Broccoli Was Banned From the Bunker!

**Author's Note:**

> First day home...

Dean rocked Harrison in the nursery and Cas went across the hall to unpack their bags and get them settled back into the bunker. Bobby and Jody got another meal ready and thank goodness for that. Sam stayed with Dean for a while and the whole situation seemed surreal to Dean. He had a son, with Cas and was holding him while Sam snapped pictures and pointed out all of his tiny features.

“Look at his tiny little nose...It's just like yours, Dean...and his little eyelashes are so perfect,” Sam said in awe.

Dean huffed out a breath and a smile, “Yeah he is kinda perfect isn’t he?”

The two brothers chatted on as Cas popped in and out with drinks for Dean and Ibuprofen for Dean’s discomfort. Before anyone realized it, Dean, Cas and Harrison had been home for several hours. Dean figured it out when Harrison began to fuss a bit.

Dean tried to get up but felt a little weak and lightheaded. “Cas?” Dean said as his husband popped back into the room to put away the baby bag.

“Yes, sweetheart? Do you need something?” Cas asked, as he placed a kiss on the baby’s forehead.

“Think I better lay down for a while…’m feeling a little tired, maybe lightheaded..” Dean answered.

Cas’ face took on a worried look, “Sure. Can you get up or do you need me to help?”

“I’m tired, babe,” Dean repeated, not aware he was doing so.

“Okay...Dean? Honey? You look a little pale all of a sudden...Are you alright?” Cas asked in a concerned tone. He grabbed a baby book off the table by the chair and began to fan Dean. Sam jumped up noticing Cas’ concerns and took over the fanning.

“Take him, I don’t feel good,” Dean muttered.

Cas took Harrison carefully from Dean and handed him to Sam, saying, “Get Bobby and give the baby to Jody.”

Sam exited the room quickly with the baby, which got Dean’s attention. “Where’s he taking him? I just didn’t want to drop him.”

 

“He’s just getting Jody to come help, Dean. It’s alright, don’t worry,” Cas reassured him. “Let’s see if we can get you up and across the hall to our bed, I think you need a little nap.

Bobby came back with Sam and the three men gingerly helped Dean to his feet. Dean asked for the baby repeatedly and Cas called Jody in so Dean would relax. They walked him to their bedroom and Cas helped Dean out of his street clothes and into comfy pajama pants and a tshirt. Dean didn’t want to wear the nursing tank for now, so Cas didn’t make him. He figured if Dean leaked a lot, he would decide to wear it later.

Dean was shaky and not really making a lot of sense. Cas got him laying on his side and covered him in their heavy down comforter. Harrison began to fuss more and Dean asked for him. “He needs to nurse, babe. Help me sit up?”

“Don’t you want to nurse him laying down?” Cas asked, but Dean shook his head. Cas asked Bobby to bring Dean something to eat as he helped him sit up against the pillows by the headboard.

“Man, I’m lightheaded. I don’t know if I can hold him, Cas,” Dean admitted nervously.

“I’m here, Dean and Bobby’s bringing you some food,” Cas told him as he settled the baby in his arms.

Dean pulled up his shirt and got the baby latched on after a few fussy tries. He winced as Harrison finally began to nurse and he began to cramp immediately. He moaned and leaned into Cas who was steadying him. “Jesus, babe...I’m cramping like crazy.”

“I think it’s normal, honey...I’m sorry,” Cas soothed. Bobby showed up with some cut up fruit and half a sandwich. He also brought the large water cup with a lid and a straw that the hospital had given Dean plus a can of coke to help with the lightheadedness.

Cas popped the coke open and gave Dean a few sips before switching to water. Dean sat up a bit better and felt much more steady. “Feel better already…’m starving though…”

Little by little Cas fed Dean the fruit and the sandwich and Dean’s color improved and he began to smile down at Harrison while he nursed. “Look at you eat, big guy...so hungry. He’s waking up now, babe. Look at him go, huh?”

“He is a good eater already,” Cas chuckled. “Like his Daddy…” Cas stayed with Dean until the baby had nursed on both sides, then he gently placed their sleeping son in the impala cradle for the first time.

He helped Dean to the bathroom and then back to bed. “Dean, he’ll be fine for a few minutes,” Cas reassured as they left Harrison in the room alone for the first time.

A reluctant Dean peeked into the cradle when they returned and then gingerly climbed back into bed. “Man, I gotta crash for a while. I’m sorry Cas…”

 

“What on earth are you sorry for?” Cas asked incredulously. “He’s gonna sleep for a couple of hours and I’m about to climb in there with you.” He went around the bed and scooted carefully into his side, wrapping Dean in his arms. “Dean...it’s been a long couple of days...rest...you’ve got to be exhausted.”

He couldn’t help the tears that began to fall, but Dean tried to wipe away them away. Cas took his hand and kissed it. “It’s alright...just close your eyes. I’ll be here...shhhhh.”

Dean gave in a buried his head in Cas’ chest. He was so tired and sore and emotional. It was overwhelming and he let himself decompress as the tears flowed. Cas’ hand combing through his hair calmed and soothed him and soon the tears stopped and he couldn’t keep his eyes open. He kept jarring awake, until Cas reassured him one last time, “Sleep beloved...I’ll watch over you and Harrison...shhhh….”

The last thing Dean felt was a warm, firm kiss from his husband.

*****  
Dean heard the squawks and grunts from the cradle first. His eyes flew open and then he remembered they were home in the bunker and safe. He jostled Cas, “Hey Cas...baby’s waking up…”

Cas jolted awake and sat bolt upright in bed. “Okay, got it.” He seemed to register Dean’s train of thought and relaxed after a few seconds. Both men were feeling the effects of the past few days.

“Think we can get Sam to hold him while you help me take a quick shower? I am really grubby,” Dean asked running his hand through his hair.

“Sure Dean, let me go get him. Hang out here for a minute and get your bearings, alright?” Cas said as he left the room to get some help.

“I’m fine, Cas. Just gross and sore,” Dean answered as he rolled to his side and slowly sat up. He could see some movement in the cradle and hear the soft noises coming from his son. He stood and took a step over to the bed where he had left Harrison three hours ago by the clock on his nightstand.

“Hey big guy, Daddy’s here,” he cooed as he picked up his son and cuddled him into his neck. “Daddy’s gonna shower and then when he smells better he is gonna feed you as long as you want, okay?”

“Talking about yourself in third person already, Dean?” Sam laughed as he came into the room. “Cas is getting the bathroom ready. I’m gonna walk you there and take Harry for a while. Can Jody hold him a bit too? And Bobby? They’re wanting to respect your wishes but-”

“Yeah, yeah, no problem. Pass him around. I didn’t mean to be so...you know, when I had him. I just felt…”

“Parental?” Sam finished for him.

“Yeah, that’s a good word for it...Please let Jody hold him all she wants. I just gotta get this grime off me. This is worse than a hunt, man…”

“Alright, give me my nephew,” Sam said with a big grin. “They can all have turns when Uncle Sam is done.”

“And don’t call him Harry again, bitch.”

“Fine, jerk.”

Sam took the baby and supported Dean under one arm, despite his objections, claiming direct instructions from Cas. He left with Harrison snug in the crook of his giant elbow, sucking at the green hospital issued pacifier in his mouth.

Cas helped Dean out of his clothes and into the shower, joining him to make sure he was stable on the tile flooring.

“Careful babe, not sure what kind of mess we are dealing with here,” Dean warned as he pulled of his shirt and then the pajama pants.

“I can assure you I have seen worse. Be grateful we aren’t pioneers Dean. Now that was a messy time to give birth.” Cas chatted as he helped Dean undress.

The shower felt great and Dean leaned on Cas and just let the water pound into his back and neck. He moaned at the feel of the heat seeping into his bones and aching muscles. “Fuck that feels so good. Everything just hurts...and I mean everything. My balls are killing me. Why do my fucking balls hurt so bad?”

Cas began to wash Dean’s hair, “You were moaning about that in your sleep and they say pushing can cause a strain on your scrotum and testicles. They recommend icing while you nurse.”

“Well I recommend you don’t say scrotum and testicles anymore. And you can ice my balls all you want, if you call them balls,” Dean deadpanned.  
Gingerly, Cas washed Dean’s body. He soaped him up, careful of the sorest parts, but wanting to be sure to get everything clean. Dean winced once or twice, and Cas was quick to apologize, “Sorry, sorry. Not trying to hurt you, but I want to get all the-”

“I get it, you don't have to give me all the details...just clean me up,” Dean interrupted. “And babe...thanks for everything. You’ve been...super...I…”

“I get it Dean, you don’t have to give me all the details…” Cas shot back with a smile.

“Smart ass,”

“I love you, Dean. I’d do anything for you and Harrison.”

“I know you would, Cas. You already have. I mean it though...thanks.” Cas stopped working at Dean’s words and kissed him firmly...reverently. They held each other for a few minutes before Cas turned off the water.

“He’s gonna want to eat soon, and we need to get you dressed,” Cas said softly as he wrapped Dean in a towel and guided him out of the shower. He helped Dean into clean comfy sweats and a tshirt as well as a flannel shirt.

“My belly doesn’t look much smaller, Cas. Is that normal?”

“Your belly is immensely smaller from my perspective, but yes it is normal to still look the way it does,” Cas answered. “It’s gonna take a few months to get back to normal.”

They walked towards the nursery, Cas was going to go find the baby and bring him back to Dean. However, they found him there already in Sam’s arms. He was bouncing a fussy, clearly hungry baby on his shoulder.

“Here’s Daddy, sweet boy. He’s got the goods,” Sam said as he turned to Dean. “Feeling better? This guy needs a diaper change and then some grub. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to change him or not so I waited. Hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Cas is keeping track of diapers and I feel a whole lot more fucking human after a shower.” Cas scowled a bit at the curse. “Sorry, babe.”

Dean took Harrison and moved to the changing table. He unfastened the diaper and found it full of the black goo that Cas called meconium.

“You didn’t have him circumcised?” Sam asked? “I thought you were gonna have it done before you left?”  
“Nah we talked about it and I didn’t see any point on hacking off his foreskin. We’ll just teach him what to do,” Dean answered.

“Well how are you gonna explain why he looks different than you?”

“Cas is uncut. It won’t be a problem,” Dean said matter of factly.

Sam turned beat red and covered his ears. “TMI...TMI, way to overshare Dean!”

“Me? You asked...I just answered your questions?” Dean laughed as wiped his baby’s bottom clean and slid a new diaper in place with Cas’ help. The couple smiled to each other and got him re-wrapped just as he had had enough and began to ramp up.

“Sit down and I will bring him to you,” Cas instructed as he picked up the baby and grabbed a car covered boppi pillow from the end of the crib.

Dean sat down and Cas handed him the pillow, “Put this around your waist towards the side you are gonna nurse on first.”

“I don’t need any fru fru pillows, just give me the baby,” Dean said.

He pulled up his t shirt and lined Harrison up to latch on. It took a few tried because he was a little worked up. Of course Dean began cramping as soon as he nursed and was afraid he was going to drop him. Cas took advantage of Dean’s discomfort to slip the pillow under the nursing baby and around Dean.

“Jesus that really helps a lot!” Dean said aloud as he relaxed. He realized that with the pillow all he had to do was guide the nursing, not bear the weight of the baby in his arms and it was less strain on his sore muscles and back.

“You should listen to Cas more…” Sam clucked to his brother.

“You’re right.” Dean admitted as he grabbed his angel’s hand and drew him down for a kiss. “Thanks, handsome.”

“You’re welcome, love,” Cas said with a tinge of pink in his cheeks. "Now let me slide this ice pack under your _balls_..."

Dean rocked and nursed their son, switching sides and adjusting the Boppi as he did so. He joined everyone for dinner at the table and willingly handed an eager Jody the baby as he ate chicken, macaroni and cheese, and broccoli.

Later that night, they had a very fussy baby and instead of hunter’s research, Cas, Bobby and Sam combed over baby books and internet sites and broccoli was banned from the bunker indefinitely...


	2. One Week Home: Or The Shit You Can Buy at Target

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One week home at the bunker...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Timewaster76 who wanted a certain thing to happen(not gonna spoil it) It took a little turn but it's close...
> 
> Just a little glimpse into how the boys are all doing together... some shenanigans and a teensy bit of foreshadowing...a tiny angst coming up for Dean in another time stamp...

One week. Seven days. It was amazing to Dean how long and short that amount of time can feel all at once. It seemed like forever because he could not believe a time existed without Harrison in his or Cas’ arms in the bunker. His sweet baby smell permeated every stitch of his and Cas’ clothing and their bed from nursing at night. It seemed short because Cas already had the baby book he bought full of photos and writing, and because Harrison already looked 25 years older than the day they brought him home. 

Dean and Cas were really natural parents. They loved Harrison and let's face it, with Charlie on board, they never had the worries of money or work invading their child rearing. Supernatural shit, yeah, they still had that, but not like before. Sometimes Dean struggled with his Daddy status and he knew Cas and Sam worried, Bobby, too. But all in all, they had it made as a family. 

Dean was leaning in the doorway of the nursery, watching Cas rock and sing to Harrison who had woken from one of his bajillion daily naps. He ate every few hours and Dean had plenty of milk, something he was both proud of and mortified by daily. He was leaning more toward proud, but their was always a nugget of reservation in the back of his mind, deep in the recesses of his thoughts in regards to what John would think. 

They didn’t force their son into a schedule, allowing him to rule the roost, and why not? He was the sweetest thing Dean had ever laid eyes on and he would have a happy childhood if he and Cas had to die trying to give it to him. Right now though, Cas was singing to him in Enochian and Dean listened and let the love of the two of them in that chair soak into every pore of his being. 

Cas looked up and smiled when he saw Dean. Dean of course, melted on the spot. “He’s ready for you Daddy, all changed and ready to eat. He’s a hungry boy…”

Dean walked over and kissed Cas sweetly on the lips before helping him up with one hand under an elbow. “Did Papa get you all cleaned up? Are you ready for snuggle bunny time?” Dean cooed at his son. That’s right, Dean called nursing his child snuggle bunny time. It beat breastfeeding and you could say it at the grocery store without too much commotion. He wasn’t gonna say anything in front of his kid he didn’t want to hear him repeat at the checkout line. The end. 

Dean settled in the chair with the baby who was wearing an adorable pair of blue pajamas with cars and airplanes on them. They were still in the comfort clothing zone. Dean himself spent his days in pj pants, tshirts and flannels. He was still in pregnancy clothes but he was feeling better every day. He was hardly bleeding at all anymore and didn’t feel raw, but his belly was still good sized. Nursing helped a lot with that but he had given it up to being a slow process. 

He rooked up his tshirt and pulled down the clasp on his nursing tank. He had gotten used to wearing it for comfort and because he was practically a dairy cow and even babies crying on tv caused his milk to let down and spew everywhere. A cat sounding like a baby could do it when he stepped outside to get fresh air. It amused Cas to no end. Let’s just say from the way Cas looked at Dean sometimes, his mind cranked out way’s Cas could help with that in a few weeks time…

For now, he glanced down at his sweet boy as he furiously rooted for Dean’s nipple and latched on with his shark bite method of snuggle bunnying. Dean only winced a bit now, Cas always left a hand on Dean’s shoulder if he was nearby when the baby latched on. The past week had been a lesson on how sore a person’s nipples could get until they toughened up. Tears were shed, actual tears and hanging on and squeezing hands while someone held the baby as he latched so Dean wouldn’t drop him. 

Dean persevered, though and now he felt like a pro. Hell, he was a pro. Cas was an angel, well not really anymore, but you get the idea. His trips to Target for creams and nursing pads and special treats never stopped. Dean felt supported and loved more than ever. Dean preferred to keep that tucked into his heart, no one needed to know that but him and Cas. 

Harrison nursed as Dean thought about what Cas had brought from Target today. He was gonna show Sam after he finished snuggle bunny time. Maybe Sam would feel better about changing him again. Dean giggled about his traumatized brother. He glanced down at his son, mouth open and wrapped around the end of his breast,(remember Dr. Qalla said men and women have breasts), tiny pink hand fisted up by his face, eyes glazed over and half shut in snuggle bunny ecstasy.

“You got Uncle Sam good, didn’t you?” Harrison fully opened one eye as if to say, “Rock on, you know I did.”

Later Dean forced Sam into the nursery to show him Cas’ latest spectacular find. It was a little cone shaped tent of fabric. “Look Sam, watch. You open the diaper and put the cone right on his little peepee.See! It’s a peepee teepee! Cas bought them for you! Now your beautiful hair won’t get peed in again!”

“You know what, Dean…F you! It hit my hair, my eye, and my mouth! You're a rat bastard. I thought you had something really important to show me, like he had diaper rash or something.” Sam stormed off, but not before kissing his nephew on both fat cheeks. Dean knew he was not really mad, just annoyed and a little embarrassed. He popped back around the doorway and said, “And Cas didn’t need to post it on Facebook for everyone, or youtube for that matter.”

“Yeah but we’re up to 147,000 hits, man! You went viral Uncle Sammy! I’m telling you Ellen Degeneres will be calling to have you on her show soon!” Dean shouted over his shoulder at a retreating Sam. He finished changing Harrison and scooped him up to snuggle him into his neck. “Oh Harrison, the shit your Papa can buy at Target…”


	3. One Month Home: Or the Time a “Creepy” Children’s Book Got to Dean, Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean love to read to Harrison, but one book may have a story Dean can't quite relate to...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life isn't perfect and so here's a little speed bump...
> 
> These next three chapters are based on a prompt I received from Staunchlyblue, who suggested Dean should read Love You Forever and cry...its close but not exact!

Dean and Cas had begun to read to Harrison at bedtime, well what they called bedtime at night. Cas was bringing home a book here and there from his trips to the store. Dean, believe it or not, had yet to leave the bunker. He refused to leave Harrison home and he was not willing to expose him to the Bubonic plague or Typhoid that existed in the local stores. He was happy to let Sam and Cas do the shopping and stay home where Harrison could have snuggle bunny time whenever he needed it. He was only a month old for Christ’s sake.

Harrison had heard Dr. Seuss stories like Green Eggs and Ham, Horton Hatches an Egg, The Cat in the Hat and even the Grinch with all of the right voices done by both of his fathers. He’d heard Llama, Llama Red Pajama, Chrysanthemum, Where the Wild Things Are, Chicken Soup with Rice, Pat the Bunny, and a few others. Dean could tell Cas was proud of their little book shelf filling up and he looked forward to the next one he brought home for them to read together. 

Tonight’s story was called Love You Forever, and it started out innocently enough with a mother promising that no matter how old her baby got, he would always be just that...her baby. First she sang to her infant son, then her toddler son, then her nine year old son and she always held him and rocked him, referring to her baby. Dean was reading it and he could feel his voice begin to catch and though he got the sentiment of the story, it just hit him wrong. He stopped reading aloud and flipped through the remaining pages silently. Anger suddenly boiled inside him and he blew up.

“That is a creepy story, Cas. No mother sneaks into her grown son’s room across town to hold him and rock him. She can’t even lift him, what the actual fuck?” he bellowed as he threw the book across the room hitting the wall and startling a nursing Harrison. 

“Dean you scared him,” Cas said calmly, though he looked quite surprised at Dean’s actions. 

“He’s fine, shhh, shhh…” Dean tried to sooth their son. “Great, you take him. He’s full...he should rock with his binkbink anyway.” 

He handed the baby carefully but quickly to Cas and stormed out of the room shirt still wide open, nearly running into a concerned Sam who still had a dishtowel and frying pan from the dinner dishes in his hands. 

“Dean...where are you going?” Cas asked as Sam entered the nursery.

“Everything alright Cas?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think so, but I don’t know why,” Cas answered in a soothing voice as he was still trying to settle a fussy Harrison. “Dean got upset during a story he was reading and threw the book and stormed off. It must have really bothered him to react the way he did.”

Sam went to retrieve the book as it lay awkwardly splayed on the floor. He set the frying pan and towel on the dresser and read the book to himself. “Well, I can’t speak for Dean but for myself I can say I get the sentiment of the story and can tell you we never got this feeling from anyone in our lives consistently. Closest I came was Dean but we didn’t have the luxury of getting to be someone’s baby forever. Dean least of all, maybe it just struck a sore spot with him.”

“I thought it was a good story because he’s been saying lately that he will always be there for Harrison. The lady at the store said it’s a new classic and everyone reads it. I’ll apologize to him and-”

“Cas you have no reason to apologize. Dean threw the book and you said he shouted and scared the baby, man. That’s not on you, just make sure he’s okay,” Sam explained to his brother in law. “You want me to take the baby...settle him in the crib?”

“No, thanks Sam. He’s going in the cradle now anyway... in our room, I’ll just take him there. He’s sleeping.”

“Let me know if you need anything,” Sam said as he disappeared around the corner.

Cas settled the baby into the cradle and put the monitor on, clipping the receiver to the pocket of his jeans. He searched for Dean throughout the bunker and finally found him checking the impala’s oil. He leaned against the opening of the doorway and called out, “Baby’s asleep, you okay?”

“Yep. I’m fine. Just checking baby’s oil. Haven’t done that in a month. Harrison settle down okay?”

“Yes, he’s fine. Want to watch the rest of the Robin Hood from last night? I’ll make popcorn…” Cas offered.

“Nah, but thanks. I’m kinda tired, gonna hit the hay early tonight,” Dean answered as he dropped the hood of the car and wiped his hands on the rag. “Sorry ‘bout earlier babe...I...it just…”

“It’s alright, as long as you’re okay,”

“I’m fine...must be tired or something…”Dean said, clearing his throat.

They went into the bunker and Dean went to bed. Cas found him asleep and snuggling Harrison a couple of hour later when he joined them. 

*****  
Cas was worried and he knew Sam was too. Dean had been so happy in the month after Harrison was born. Bobby and Jody had even left after two weeks, promising to come back and visit again but wanting to give the little family time alone together. They were all fairly surprised at how well Dean had adjusted to being a father...a breastfeeding postpartum father. Cas should have been able to read Dean better, to know something deep was brewing. 

The next few days were hard. Dean was quiet, subdued in a way he hadn’t been since Harrison. He still cooed and giggled over things he did, but Cas noticed the spark was gone. He discussed i with Sam but if either of them approached Dean, he shut them out or barked at them that he was fine. They both knew he wasn’t.

Ten days after the book incident, a Wednesday, Cas found Dean sitting alone on their bed. Harrison was asleep in his crib for a nap. He approached Dean cautiously and found Dean looking exhausted, swollen puffy eyes. How had he not noticed it before? He sat next to Dean and slipped an arm around his waist silently, and waited. He knew if he spoke there would be no further conversation, so he just supported and hoped Dean would talk. 

It didn’t happen right then, but that night after a long one am feeding, Dean confessed his feelings to Cas. “I’m gonna call Dr. Qalla in the morning. Something is off and I think I need a little help.”

“Are you sick? Are you in pain? Do you need to go to the emergency room?”

“It’s not like that, babe. It’s more like here,” Dean answered taking on of Cas’ hands and putting it on his heart. 

“Oh okay,” Cas responded, panicking internally but trying to sound supportive. “Have I done something, or not done-”

“Cas, why do you do that? Please don’t. This is not you or anything to do with you...it’s me,” Dean said as he looked down at Cas’ hand in his lap. 

“If it is about you then it has everything to do with me. Don’t tell me differently. How can I help you?”

“Come with me tomorrow and take care of Harrison while I go in. I need to know he is okay when I talk with the doc, okay?”

“Anything, Dean, just ask,” Cas told him though he ignored the pain he felt when he knew Dean did not plan on bringing him into the conversation. Over the years, though, he had learned to be patient with his husband...things usually worked themselves out. 

“C’mere, babe. I know you’re freaking out. Can I hold you for a while?”

Cas scooched as close to Dean as he could get and was wrapped in the tight embrace of his arms. 

Dean whispered into his hair, “I love you, you know that, right?”

“I do know and I love you, too.”

“I’ll be fine, babe. We’re a family now...I’ll be fine, I promise. Let’s sleep before Harrison wants to eat again. I think he feels that I’m off, he’s nursing like crazy.”

Cas woke to Dean nursing the baby again. He was shirtless, they had given up on that about the fifth time Harrison woke in the night. Dean was patient and sweet with him when even Cas was beginning to lose it. Now he hummed a little tune as he sat up against the headboard of the bed piled with pillows, Harrison suckling away and Cas swore he saw a little smile flash across Dean’s face. 

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Cas asked as he sat up, covers falling around his waist.

“A little better, no thanks to your night owl here, but better that I told you. When he’s done nursing, I’m gonna pass him off so I can call Doc, okay?”

Cas leaned in and kissed Dean, firmly, soundly. Dean returned the kiss and Cas felt a little tremble in his husband's lips. “Sure, Dean. I’ll be ready when you are.”


	4. One Month Home: Or the Time a “Creepy” Children’s Book Got to Dean, Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean sees his doctor and admits his concerns...Cas, well...is Cas!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say that I do not think the story, Love You Forever is creepy, and neither will Dean by the end of this story line...hang in there...
> 
> Also, I am not a counselor not do I claim to have any idea how wonderful they are to people. I am making shit up, it is not my intention to offend or make light. I do believe Dean might need therapy to move on from his childhood or lack thereof...

Dean sat in the back seat with Harrison in his car seat while Cas drove to the clinic. He was a little jittery getting back into the car. He knew it would get easier every time, but even Dr. Qalla had sent a midwife to the bunker to do the required breastfeeding weight checks on Harrison the first few days after they came home. Cas smiling at him in the rearview mirror every now and then helped. 

Sitting in the waiting room was a good distraction while waiting to see the doctor. Dean had called first thing this morning and they had made room in the schedule for him. Now he sat next to Cas who had such a proud look on his face that Dean almost forgot to be nervous. Cas had Harrison on his shoulder in a blue and white striped outfit. The feet were little puppies with ears and there was a knit hat that matched the feet. All the other parents there smiled at them and then Harrison fussed. 

Cas looked to Dean who stripped off his jacket with no concern whatsoever and pulled a receiving blanket from the diaper bag. He took a wiggling Harrison from Cas and laid him in the crook of his elbow while he adjusted his clothing to give the baby his first public snuggle bunny session. He felt his cheeks pink up a bit when Harrison made the eager noises that seemed much quieter at home. There were more friendly smiles and some surprised faces as well, from the other patients. 

Cas pulled the blanket up over his shoulder so Dean could help Harrison latch on, and soon he was happily nursing away underneath it. Dean was surprised how easily he had done it and how relaxed he felt about it. He turned to Cas, “I don’t even think he’s hungry. He just ate before we left.”

Cas smiled and peeked under the blanket, “He just likes to snuggle with his Daddy.”

Dean leaned over and Cas met him halfway for a sweet kiss. “Thanks, Babe.”

He nursed for a few more minutes and then Dean switched sides, once again feeling eyes on him. Harrison was just about asleep when a nurse called him in for his appointment. He passed the baby to Cas who slipped the binkbink in his mouth. He put his clothes back together and tucked the blanket back into the bag. He kissed Cas on the top of his head before following the nurse, “Be right back, okay?”

Cas nodded and Dean headed through the door and down the hall. He was barely even in the chair when the doctor knocked and peeked his head in, “Hey Dean. You sounded concerned this morning, what’s up? You look good by the way.”

“Thanks, Doc. I feel good physically. I just…” Dean felt the prickly sensation of tears so he stopped talking. He thought he wanted to do this alone, but now that it was happening he couldn’t get past the fact that Cas was sitting in the waiting room with Harrison and he needed them with him. They shouldn’t be apart, they shouldn’t.

“Dean, are you alright?” 

He felt a hand on his shoulder, his breaths coming faster, too fast. He shook his head in an answer he couldn’t find the words for. 

“It’s okay, just take a few deep breaths, alright?” Dr. Qalla urged.

Dean breaths came in shuddering gulps, more shallow with each effort. He could feel himself begin to panic and dropped his face into his hands.

Dr. Qalla was rubbing Dean’s back and said, “You want me to get Cas?”

Dean nodded furiously, hanging on to his dignity by a thread. He heard the doctor speak to the nurse and then to him, “Hang on, we’re getting Cas. Try to breathe slowly, deep breaths.” He could feel Dr. Qalla supporting him under his arm now. He tried to hang on and take deep breaths.

*****  
Cas was rocking Harrison to sleep, mostly to soothe his own wounds of not being wanted in the office with Dean. Whatever was wrong, he wanted to help but knew Dean needed some space to work through it a bit on his own first. It had happened before when Sam and Cas had confronted Dean about all the whiskey bottles and that had worked out positively, so Cas willed himself to trust his husband. After all, he had asked him to come with him and he hadn’t shut him out completely.

Cas heard the exam area door open and looked up out of curiosity to see Terri, Dean’s nurse walking towards him. She looked calm but concerned. Cas jumped up, shouldering the baby and asking, “What’s wrong? Where’s Dean?” He felt panic rise in his chest and heard the baby squeak, he was squeezing him a bit. He relaxed his hold as the nurse spoke.

“It’s okay, Dean is fine. He seems a little upset and he’d like you to join him with the doctor.” She was picking up the baby seat and the bag, grabbing Dean’s jacket as well and then nodding towards the door. “He’s alright, Cas. I think he just needs a little more support than he thought.”

She ushered him to the small exam room and went in ahead to put their things in the corner. When Cas saw Dean his heart broke. Dr. Qalla had him by the arm and was rubbing circles in the middle of his back. 

Cas instinctively lunged for Dean, wrapping his free hand around the back of Dean’s neck and pulling him tight against his chest, burying his husband’s face in his neck. The second he touched Dean he felt him break apart. Dean stifled the sobs, but Cas knew he had shattered. He felt someone scoop the baby from his arms and he pulled Dean impossibly closer, tucking his grasping hands in between them, trying to cocoon him as tightly as possible. 

”Oh Dean, Sweetheart...What is it?” He cradled Dean’s head, fighting back his own tears, “It’s okay...tell me...it’s alright, whatever it is.” Then he stopped and just cried along with Dean, whispering soothing things but not trying to get answers or fix anything, just holding him and offering safety and comfort. After a few minutes he felt Dean’s stifled cries settle and he eased up on his hold just a bit. 

Dean looked up for the first time and tried to speak, but all that came out was a very broken, “Cas…”

His eyes were red and puffy, still spilling tears and his face was covered in spit and snot and Cas didn’t care. He leaned in and kissed Dean with every ounce of love he could muster. He didn’t even care if either of them could breathe, he wanted Dean to know he loved him and words did not seem to cut it at the moment. Dean relaxed into the kiss and Cas renewed the kiss, a little softer this time.

He realized then that they were alone and he turned to get a paper towel. On the counter he saw his name in red marker on a note that read: Flip the exam light switch when you are ready or if you need anything. We have Harrison. Underneath the note was a washcloth and towel. 

He wet it at the sink with warm water and then washed Dean’s face before washing his own, then dried them both. He offered Dean the towel to hold onto, seeing that he was still crying a bit.

“We’re a hot mess, Cas.” Dean tried to chuckle but a small sob snuck out instead.

“Yeah, but we’re a hot mess together, right?” Cas answered with a smile. Dean nodded and then Cas asked if he was ready before flipping the exam light switch. 

There was a knock shortly after and then Dr. Qalla entered holding a sleeping Harrison. 

“How are we doing in here? Seemed like you needed a few minutes,” Dr. Qalla said like nothing had really happened out of the ordinary. Cas felt more than ever that they had chosen perfectly with this compassionate man as Dean’s doctor. 

“Yeah, thanks Doc,” Dean responded with a big sniffle.

Cas reached for the baby but the doctor offered, “If you don’t mind, how about I hold him and you two hold each other. He’s pretty comfy right now and I think we have some discussion that needs to take place. How bout it Dean?”

“I’m okay if Cas is okay,” 

“I’m fine, Dean. I just want to help you. What’s wrong, can you tell me?”

Dean took a few shuddery breaths and Cas stayed close by him. Finally Dean was able to say what had brought him to the appointment. “I think I need to talk with someone about being a better dad...professionally ...I want to talk with someone.”

“Dean...You’re a great father. Harrison loves you and you love him. You are wonderful with him.” Cas nearly whined his heart was so hurt for his husband. Cas knew Dean might have these issues but now that it was in front of him it was far more painful than he thought.

“I’ve done alright up until now, Cas, your right. But I am flying by the seat of my pants and some days I barely hang on. I want more than that for me and Harrison. I want to give him what my dad never gave me, like that book we read the other night.”

Dr. Qalla stepped in before Cas could say anything else. “You know, Dean...it takes a lot to admit you want help. And Cas you mean well, and I think your heart is a little broken for your husband, but Dean doesn’t just think he needs to talk to someone, he wants to talk with someone. He’s not saying he can’t do it on his own. I think Dean is saying he wants to do it the best that he can and he wants a little direction.”

Dean seemed to relax a bit and he said, “Bingo, Doc. Some days I’m pissed at my dad. Mostly when I do something with Harrison and I realize I have no memories of my dad doing much of anything kid-wize with me. I don’t want that to affect my relationship with Harrison. Can you understand that, Cas?” Dean wrapped an arm around Cas as he finished.

“I understand, Dean. I just want to be sure you know that you are wonderful with our son and I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, Babe. We’re great dads, he’s a lucky boy, I know that. I just want to be the best dad I can and maybe rid myself of some baggage.”

“Well, I agree that you are both great parents to this little guy and I have a person in mind that I think Dean could talk to. What do you say I set up an initial meeting with him for you? He’s a good friend of mine.”

“Sounds good, Doc. Hey you do pretty well with a baby, we’ll keep you in mind when we need a sitter,” Dean agreed.

“No thanks, I’ll keep my day job. I have no desire to fight your giant brother for that role!” 

They all laughed and Dean and Cas took Harrison home. Dean had an appointment for the next day to see the counselor and a little less weight in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me, I have a thing for emotional Dean...


	5. One Month Home: Or the Time a “Creepy” Children’s Book Got to Dean, Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean works through some issues and Harrison is growing up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a counselor not have I ever been to counseling. I am making shit up as I go along. I respect counseling and therapy as a necessary part of lives and I do not mean to belittle it in any way. My intention is to portray Dean as working hard in therapy to get through difficult issues. I realize that six months is probably unrealistic as a time line, but it is a fictional story. 
> 
> Also I took many liberties with the story line when Dean gets sent to Sonny's youth home. Please forgive. I have never been a John fan. I love the actor but think John was a shit parent. I am a widowed single parent, I have ground to stand on here with this (minus the supernatural component, lol)

Dean went to his first appointment with the counselor named Eddie the very next morning. Cas accompanied him and held Harrison in the waiting room. Afterwards, on the drive across town, Dean admitted, “I liked him. He’s a straight shooter and I need that. He called bullshit on me already...gotta respect that.”

Cas looked back in the rear view mirror, “Did he call bullshit on everything you said?”

“No, no, he said we have things we can talk about but that I need to stop thinking I’m not a good Dad.”

“Good, then I like him, too!” Cas chimed in with a smile, the gummy kind that made Dean melt.

A week later Dean had his six week checkup and was cleared from pelvic rest, though Dean admitted he was not ready yet. Dean. Winchester. Said. He. Wasn’t. Ready. For. Sex. Yes you heard that right, and of course Cas was a saint about it.

When Harrison was eight weeks old, he slept less and made noises that his father’s and uncle could not get enough of. He also got his first shots. Thank goodness Sam had convinced them to let him drive. It took Sam fifteen minutes behind the wheel before he could even get his eyes to focus with all the tears. The waiting room of mostly mothers looked on sympathetically as Dean sat for a few minutes to nurse the sweet baby boy who screamed between suckles and then spit up all over his Daddy. Cas and Dean both shed quiet tears as they cleaned him up and waited for the nurses to ask the doctor if the should give him more infant Tylenol drops. It was a long couple of days for the family.

Dean had been going regularly to counseling sessions twice a week. He was eager to “spill his guts” and move on. Most of the time he told Cas what they talked about in the sessions, but sometimes they would come home and Dean would go to the nursery and close the door. He would rock Harrison and cry, he could swear he heard Cas outside the door, but he always respected Dean’s privacy.

*****

Fat and happy at six months, Harrison could roll over, could almost crawl a few inches, giggle to the point that his family would spew tears of laughter themselves, and could sit up for about thirty seconds all by himself before careening over on his side. They had hours and hours of video to prove it.

They had just begun to feed him rice cereal. Dean had solely breastfed him for six months. It was a big deal. It was an even bigger deal when Dean invited Cas to one of his counseling sessions.

The morning of the session, Dean was nervous and Cas tried to reassure him that he was fine. Dean started in the session with Harrison. He told Cas that nursing while he talked seemed to relax him, and he often brought the baby in with him. After about half the normal session time, Eddie emerged to invite Cas to join them.

“He’s upset. He’s been working towards this. This is his goal session. After this he won’t need to come back unless something comes up or this doesn’t go as planned. I assured him it would be fine. Don’t smother him with comfort when you see him. You’re going to have to fight the urge. Today has been tough. Are you ready?’

Dean looked up when Cas came in the room and he looked awful, eyes swollen and red, still shedding tears and he tried to stifle the crying as best he could. Dean patted the couch next to him when Cas seemed at a loss for where to put himself.

“Can I kiss you, love?” Cas asked, clearly restraining himself from his desire to hold Dean tight.

“Please…” Dean choked out. Cas leaned in and kissed him, just as Dean turned his head and Cas’ lips hit his cheek. He did however lean in to Cas for comfort and support.

Eddie explained that they had been talking about a particularly painful time in Dean’s life and that Dean needed and wanted to tell Cas about it. This period of time in particular affected Dean’s feelings of self worth and his concern for repeating a cycle of bad behavior. Cas nodded along with the explanation but he was very worried about what Dean might say. John Winchester had not been the best father and Cas couldn't help but dread hearing what Dean had to tell him.

“I wanna tell you something, and honestly I am scared it will change your opinion of me. I am especially worried it will make you feel regret that you’re married to me and we have Harrison together, it’s not something...I’m not proud of it... “ Dean said setting up his admission.

Cas was horrified that Dean would think that and answered, “What on earth are you talking about? I would never regret our life and having Harrison. Never! And my opinion of you will-”

Eddie interrupted, “Cas you sound very upset, and I understand that. I am here to help Dean and you need to understand that none of what Dean said to you may be your opinion and you may feel differently, but these are Dean’s feelings. They are not based on anything you have done, they are simple deep rooted feelings of guilt and regret for his own actions under difficult circumstances. Do you understand? He cannot help how he feels, he is not accusing you of anything, nor is he placing blame. He is working through his feelings and needs to tell you why he feels this way. Cas, can you listen?”

Eddie was calm and soft when he spoke to Cas who responded, “Yes, I can listen. But Dean...I love you and I will always love you, no matter what you tell me. Know that.”

Dean nodded and then began, “When I was young, Dad used to leave me and Sam in hotels for weeks at a time and pop in and out to leave us money, for food. I know I have told you some of that before, but when I was fifteen it got bad and Dad was gone longer and longer. We were almost out of money and I used what was left in a card game to try to get more.” Dean stopped and took a couple of deep breaths. He looked lovingly down at a sleeping Harrison before continuing.

“I lost it all and I knew I could not go back to Sam with no food for breakfast, so I went to a convenience store and tried to steal bread and peanut butter. I got caught and I was not stupid, I knew better than to say my dad left us and we were hungry, so I said it was a dare and they were gonna put me in jail for the night. Well, I couldn’t leave Sam to wake up alone, he was only eleven. I gave in and told them dad’s cell number. He was so pissed he wouldn't even look at me. They sent me to this home for boys and dad left me there for two months.” Dean wiped his face with his hand and Eddie pushed a box of kleenex closer to him.

  
Cas cringed when Dean told him his father had left him there but he was sure this was not even the bad part yet. Dean began to speak again after regrouping. “I met a man named Sonny there. He ran the place. He was the best guy I had ever met besides Uncle Bobby, a far better man than my dad. He told me being hungry wasn’t a crime. I eventually told him everything and he promised not to tell dad. He showed me how to hustle pool, carefully once I was old enough to pass for 18. He said only use it when Sam was hungry, and never drink, but at least I wouldn’t have to steal.”

“Sounds like Sonny got what was going on, Dean,” Cas said. He tried not to picture young Dean worried about feeding Sam, it was so painful.

“Anyway dad came to get me and told me not to steal, Winchesters weren’t fucking thieves. I promised and soon it was back to the same old shit. No dad and not enough food money. I tried to get into bars to hustle pool, but I still looked too young. I tried food pantries but they wanted an address, churches the same...anything but stealing. I didn't want to be away from Sam again.”

Dean got visibly upset and flinched when Cas tried to comfort him, “Please, let me finish before you say it’s okay...please?”

“Alright, Dean...alright, go on then...but I’m here…” Cas said softly.

“One night I found dad’s old leather jacket and after Sam was asleep I headed out to the bar down the road to try to get in and hustle pool. I got turned away at the door so I went around back to where the cooks and bartenders smoked to see if they would let me wash dishes or just give me a sandwich or something for Sam. A guy came out the back and asked how much I charged. I had no fucking clue what he was talking about but I played along.” Dean stopped there and handed the baby to Cas. He got up and walked around before sitting back down. Cas carefully put Harrison in his car seat dreading the rest of the story and preparing for the worst.

“He said he’d pay twenty if I sucked him off. Cas…” Dean looked terrified and repulsed at the same time. “I was desperate Cas...I’m sorry...I’m ashamed and I understand if you want nothing to do with me anymore. You shouldn’t have to kiss me or-”

“How long, Dean? DId anyone hurt you? Did they…” Cas’ voice died off as he began to cry.

Dean’s shoulders slumped, “A year, Cas. And no, other than being a little rough, no. I...no one ever...you’re the only…”

Cas lunged himself at Dean and held him close. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I’m so sorry that you had to do that for so long. I love you Dean and I am so proud of you. Don’t ever say you are not proud of yourself after raising your brother when your father wouldn’t. What you had to do was awful, and selfless and brave and I love you more for having the courage to tell me. I am not ashamed of you at all, nor am I repulsed, nor do I regret marrying you or having Harrison. You are my Beloved. You will always be me Beloved...always. May I kiss you?”

  
Dean stared dumfounded for a split second after Cas spoke and then he nearly choked on his sobs. His body shook and he curled up into Cas who drew his into his lap until he could calm down. Cas wiped his face of tears and when Dean looked up he kissed him. He kissed him deeply, tenderly, and soundly to show Dean that his body was a temple to Cas and nothing could change that.

“I love you Dean Winchester, and you are a far better man and father than your own, despite having him as a model. Harrison in a lucky, lucky boy. Don’t ever think differently. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Cas. I love you. I...you’re so...I don’t deserve you-”

“Dean Winchester! Why don’t you deserve me? Why don’t you deserve as much love as you give me?” As much kindness as you give me? Why? Because for a year you did what you could to feed your brother? I’d say you deserve more than I could ever give you in ten lifetimes, but I will sure as hell try to give you what I can as long as I have you,” Cas scolded and then felt apologetic.

Dean smiled. He looked like a weight had been lifted from him.

Eddie drew them back into the session, “Do you feel like you were heard, Dean?”

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

Eddie turned to Cas, “You okay Cas? That’s a lot to hear in one hour.”

“I’m okay. I was never a huge John fan and now it’s a thousand times worse. I am sad for Dean’s childhood years, but he is so loving and generous to me and to Harrison. I want him to love himself as much as we love him.”

“This was my last hurdle, Cas. I needed to tell you that so I could move on. Having Harrison seemed to open old wounds and feelings and Eddie has helped me work through them. I just needed to know if you could handle what I did. I couldn’t resume our sex life because I felt dirty. I don’t feel dirty anymore. I feel like you get it, Cas...you always get me. I should have told you long ago, but I never expected to have kids.”

“Kids?” Cas was caught off guard.

“Yeah, I wanted to have more kids...if that’s something you want..I mean…”

Cas felt himself tear up and spill over, “Yes, Dean it’s something I want...with you.”

*****  
That night in bed, they made love for the first time since Dean had given birth. It was slow and tender and everything the two of them needed, especially after the revelations of the day. Cas held Dean reverently as he rocked into his body, lavishing him with kisses and sweet words of adoration in Enochian. When they were done, lying tangled together, they held on and they spoke of their hope that maybe, just maybe...they had another little bug on the way…

*****  
The following morning Cas woke to an empty bed. He was worried after all that had happened yesterday with the session and then making love for the first time. He headed out in boxers and a tshirt to find Dean. He heard his voice in the nursery and he stood outside the open door and listened. He heard Dean reading a familiar story. Cas smiled to himself as he heard Dean change the pronoun to suit their family:

A father held his new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he held him, he sang:  
I'll love you forever,  
I'll like you for always,  
As long as I'm living  
my baby you'll be.


	6. First Year Home: Come on Eileen Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Harrison to turn one, but Sam wants to bring a guest...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have wanted this for many months now...
> 
>  
> 
> and crappy editing, point out my typos...I'm busy this weekend but had to put it up...

A lot of plans were in the making for Harrison’s first birthday party. Cas was meticulous as ever about grocery lists and tasks to be completed. Dean was in it for the fun. The two had thrown themselves into parenting and rolled around in it like dogs in the grass on a sunny day. This party was the icing on the cake of a wonderful year of watching their beautiful boy grow and change. Sam watched with pride and maybe just a tad of envy. Dean could see that and he felt for Sam.

 

Sometimes Sam disappeared for a few days at a time and Dean just assumed he went to see Bobby and Jody, or one of their other friends. But Harrison’s birthday was on Saturday and it was Wednesday and Sam was packing to go away again. 

 

“Everything okay, Sam?” Dean asked cautiously, leaning against the doorway into Sam’s room. He didn’t want to imply that Sam wouldn’t be here for Sonny’s party but at the same time was worried he might not be. Sam was such a good uncle but the trips away were getting more frequent and longer. Sonny loved Uncle Sam and let’s be honest it would hurt if Sam was not there, and not just Sonny. 

 

“Yeah, fine. Just gotta go for a couple days. I’ll be back in time, don’t worry. I would never miss the party,” Sam reassured.

 

Dean stood awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, “Yeah, yeah I know...Sonny loves you and would miss you, ya know?”

 

“Sonny would not know the difference, but I’m coming back anyway. And I would miss it as much as you would miss me not being there, okay? When are you just gonna start saying what you feel, man?” Sam laughed. “I promise I will be back in plenty of time.”

 

Dean didn’t even bother objecting, he just pulled Sam in for a tight hug. “You can tell me if something's up, you know?”

 

“Yep, you’re such a good conversationalist at feelings...I know.” Sam zipped his duffle and Gave Dean a final pat on the back. “Nothing’s wrong, Dean. I’ll call you later.”

 

Sam called on Thursday night. He was kind of nervous as he spoke, “Hey Dean, I'll be back tomorrow morning to help get the guest rooms ready….Hey, can I ask a favor?”

 

“Sure, what do you need, but keep it simple. I got my honey do lists today and well...you know Cas.”

 

“Yeah, no I don’t need you to do anything. I was just wondering if I could bring someone to the party.”

 

“You want to bring a date to my son’s first birthday?” Dean asked unable to mask the surprise in his voice.

 

“Well, I mean...nah, you’re right...probably not the right time to do that, forget I asked,” Sam back pedalled on high speed.

 

“Now wait, Sam. I didn’t say no...I’m just caught off guard is all. I guess I assumed when you headed out of here you were with family, that’s all,” Dean explained.

 

“Actually, it kinda feels like I am and that’s why I want to bring her, but I would completely understand if you wanted me to wait for another time. I just thought…”

 

The light bulb went off for Dean. “You want everyone to meet this girl! You  _ liiiike  _ her, huh?”

 

“Jesus, Dean! How old are you, fifteen?”

 

“Listen we didn’t get to be teens together, lighten up. I gotta tease your ass a little about this.”

 

“I’m pretty sure it’s more than like on both our parts.” Sam admitted quietly.

 

Dean heard all he needed to hear in his brother's tone and knew everyone they loved  was coming to the party. “Bring her, Sam. I want to meet the girl who stole your heart.”

 

“Thanks, Dean. See you tomorrow.”

 

“No sweat, hey she’s not a hooker or anything is she?”

 

“Shut up Jerk!” Sam barked.

 

“Fine, Bitch...and no loud sex!” Dean retorted unable to resist poking his brother.

 

“Christ this is not going to go well, I can tell already…” Sam groaned.

 

“Oh ye of little faith…” Dean quipped as he hung up. He could almost hear Sam roll his eyes. He ran to find Cas. They needed to find out who this girl was, and fast.

  
  



	7. First Year Home: Come on Eileen Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something exciting happens as they boys ready the bunker for an amazing first birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying to capture little moments...if there is anything you would like to see, let me know...

“Dean, I am not going to help you spy on your brother. We have a lot to do to get ready for Harrison’s party. You’ll meet whoever she is in two days, just wait.” Cas huffed when Dean told him they needed to drop everything and find out who Sam was bringing to the party.  
“Caassss….I can’t wait that long,” Dean whined.

“You’re going to have to and if you disappear and don’t help me...I’ll bring Harrison back to bed with us and you can relive the great dry spell of early January.” Cas threatened with his squintiest eyes.

Dean did not want to go back to that particular time period. Harrison had been cutting teeth and had fevers very frequently. Even though he had outgrown the impala cradle and was sleeping in his crib most of the night for several months, they brought him back to their bed for fear of his fever spiking and them not knowing.

Needless to say, there was no hanky panky with the baby in their bed and it was the longest they had gone _without_ since they resumed their sex life after Harrison had been born. He slept six hours at a whack now and they could do a lot in six hours. Dean decided curiosity did indeed kill the cat or at least his sex life and went back to his list of birthday party chores.

Friday morning Sam showed up _sans_ date and Dean moped like a kid expecting ice cream but got none. He knew he was pouting but couldn’t help it. He and Sam made all the beds in the guest room and put towels, welcome baskets,  and extra blankets on the beds as well.

In an effort to make the bunker more like a home, they had even decorated the rooms with different colors. Each of their friends and family members sorta had regular rooms and they had gone to the effort of personalizing them even further. Garth’s room was blue and had special spells for the full moon and Charlie’s was orange and had lots of power strips and so forth.

With the rooms ready they all turned their efforts to decorating the map room and table for the party. Harrison was having a Star Wars first birthday. It was mostly black and white streamers with the store bought character cutouts everywhere. They had thrown in a little orange for BB8 and had purchased all the paper products from the local party store. Soon there were streamers hanging everywhere and the room looked very festive.

The menu got a final check and they finished all the do ahead preparations. Dean and Cas had gone all out on the plans for the food from a storm trooper helmet cheese ball to BB8 pizzas to bake and light saber pretzel sticks dipped in colored chocolate. There were BB8 cake pops and chewbacca dipped marshmallow. Dean may have gone overboard but Sonny would only be one once, right? They had ordered a cake from a locally owned bakery and it was two tiers and also had a huge number one on the top. , Each layer was a different flavor and it said Happy Birthday Harrison in the star wars font. It had light sabers and characters and was both beautiful and super cool.  

All they had to do now was wait for the guests to arrive and wrap their presents. Dean and Cas had picked out a stuffed Chewbacca for Harrison who had giggled when the character spoke during the movies they watched together. The also got him a musical learning toy, a walking toy called a sit to stand walker with a whole bunch of gizmos on the front of it, some stacking cups and the traditional fisher price stacking rings. Dean insisted on only a few presents because they knew everyone would be bringing something and he and Cas wanted Harrison to appreciate what he had. Cas of course had researched the developmental appropriateness  of everything they had gotten their son and asked people to do the same. Dean smiled when he thought about that, they were doing this parenting thing right.

Saturday morning started with BB8 pancakes and lots of giggles from the birthday boy. Dean, Cas and Sam sang Happy Birthday to Harrison several times for practice so he wasn’t scared at the party.  They clapped and cheered when he smiled and laughed at the end of the song. Dean had seen a you tube video compilation of screaming crying babies at their first birthdays, thanks Charlie, and swore that would not be Sonny.

 Dean was doing the dishes when he heard Cas calling for him from the living room area of the bunker and he dropped everything and tore off in that direction. He stopped short when he came upon Cas sitting on the floor and Harrison standing in the middle of the room. Sam banged into Dean from behind and they stood together staring at sweet baby Harrison standing on his own two feet just out of reach of his Poppa Cas.  He had been pulling himself up to standing on the couch and other furniture in the living area but this was in the middle of the room near nothing.

As if afraid his voice would shatter the moment, Cas whispered, “He crawled away from me and then he just planted his hands and pushed himself up, Dean. It was beautiful, look at our big boy.”

 Sam stepped around Dean and had his camera rolling. Dean, grinning like a fool from ear to ear, took two cautious steps towards their boy and crouched. He reached out to him and said, “Hey Sonny. Come to Daddy.”

With his face covered in drool, and little chubby hands grasped together Harrison looked at Dean like he had hung the moon. He smiled and made a  little dance like bobbing move before he moved the first chubby little foot. He stretched his arms out towards Dean and took about three more steps until he started to teeter to the left to fall over. Dean scooped him up and Cas was on them before he had him in his arms.

Dean have cheered half sobbed, “Daddy and Poppa’s big boy! Sonny...you walked. You’re so little but so big now!” He kissed Sonny on one cheek and Cas kissed the other, then Cas and Dean kissed. Neither could hide the emotion shining in their eyes. His first steps on his first birthday!

“I got the whole thing and I don’t know how I didn’t shake the phone the whole time, but it’s good! I am sending it to both of you and then I am gonna add it to the video for the party. Sam squeezed them all with his gargantuan arms and took off running.

The little family stood in the middle of the floor, a little stunned until Harrison pulled at Dean’s shirt and said something in jibberish.  They stayed in their embrace until Harrison became insistent and said, “DaDa” as he continued to grab at Dean’s shirt with his little slobbery hand.

“Looks like someone wants to nurse, walking is hard work, Daddy!” Cas said with a laugh.

“Snuggle bunny time, big guy?” Dean asked, and Harrison responded with excited noises and making the gimme hands. Dean settled on the couch and lifted his shirt. Dean ran his free hand through his son’s light brown curls. He had been born with hair as dark as Cas’ and blue eyes, but overtime it had lightened and become quite curly and his eyes were more green than blue. Dean could not lie and say he wasn’t thrilled that Harrison looked like him, because he most certainly was.

He realized Cas was still watching them and said, “Sit down with us, Babe.”

Cas kissed him thoroughly and said, ‘I think I’ll leave you to it and finish the kitchen for you, people will start arriving soon, okay?”

“Thanks, Cas...for calling me when you did...for this great party...for everything.”

“No, Dean, thank you,” Cas said with his soft blue eyes moving back and forth between Dean and Harrison.

“I love you,” they said in unison, then laughed causing Harrison to smile around Dean’s breast and reach for his Daddy’s face. Dean leaned over and kissed him just as Uncle Sam flew back into the room.

“She texted. She’s here!” Then they all heard a faint knock on the bunker door.


	8. First Year Home: Come on Eileen Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas meet Sam's love and Harrison turns 1!

Cas grabbed Dean’s arm as he made like he was going to get up to go answer the door. “No you don’t, Daddy!”

“What, Cas?”

“You just stay right here with me and Harrison and let them have a minute to say hello...alone.”

Sam smiled at Cas and then took off like a rocket to get the door.

It was an agonizing wait for Dean. “What is going on out there? How long does it take to say hello?”

Cas rolled his eyes and Harrison popped off Dean’s chest, giggling as he dribbled milk down his chin. “It’s been all of five minutes, give your brother a break.”

Dean used the hem of his tshirt to wipe Harrison’s face and his chest before adjusting his clothes. He plopped his son on the floor and sat with him as he grabbed at little sesame street characters. As Sonny assaulted Oscar the Grouch with his slobbery mouth, he and Cas heard footsteps.

Dean looked expecting to see an unfamiliar face, but did not. He did not remember the name but he recognized the hearing impaired hunter immediately.

His brother piped in and signed, and Dean felt himself grin, “Dean, Cas, you remember Eileen Leahy?”

“I sure do,” Dean answered, standing to shake Eileen’s hand. “Hello Eileen, what a nice surprise. Welcome to the men of letter's bunker, our home now.” Sam signed the entire time Dean spoke, though Eileen read lips too because she never took her eyes off of Dean.

She signed as she spoke slowly and carefully, like she didn’t do it a lot, “Thank you, Dean. It’s nice to see you again. Congratulations, on the baby.” Her voice was affected by her lack of hearing but Dean understood her.

Sam did not repeat what she said since she had spoken the words as well. Cas cleared his throat.

Dean turned to his husband who had stood as well and picked up Harrison. Sam signed as his brother introduced his family. “Eileen, this is my husband Cas, and this is our son, Harrison.”

**(Author’s Note: All signed conversations will now be italicized. If no signer is mentioned it is the person speaking who is signing. I did not put this at the beginning of the chapter to keep Sam’s love a surprise for those who did not get it from the title,)**

 

Eileen offered her hand to Cas, despite the baby in his arms. “Hello, Cas. I have heard a lot about you...and you’re right, Sam, he is a beautiful baby. _Hello Harrison_.” She signed as she spoke to the baby.

“ _Pleased to meet you, Eileen and thank you. we think he’s pretty nice if we do say so ourselves_.” Cas answered, shifting Sonny to his hip as Sam signed easily for him.

_“Well, we are gonna get Eileen settled and then help you get everything ready for the party before everyone gets here. Come on Eileen, I’ll grab your bags and show you where to put your stuff.”_

Dean and Cas smiled as Eileen and Sam turned to go. They gave each other knowing looks before the other couple was out of sight and Dean said, “That sneaky fucker has been seeing her for a while to be able to sign like that.”

As if on cue, Eileen turned with a smile and signed while Sam spoke for her, “ _A little over a year and you shouldn’t swear in front of the baby_.”

Sam smiled and added on his own, “ _She wears hearing aids, she can hear simple conversation well, unless she is tired, FYI_ ”,

Cas put an arm around his blushing husband and said, “Oh I like her already.”

*****

  
Eileen slid right into the mix when everyone arrived. Sam bounced around and signed for her when conversations were longer than a few sentences. Dean watched in delight as Sam and Eileen talked and laughed together. At one point in the kitchen he caught them in a sweet kiss and didn’t even give his baby brother a hard time He was just happy to see Sam...well, happy too.

Harrison’s first birthday party went off without a hitch. The food was great and everyone had a ball. Cas put Harrison in a cute photo op outfit, a pair of shorts and a necktie, to eat his own little cake on the table before they cut the big one to serve it. They sang happy birthday and he smiled and clapped with frosting hands. It was beautiful.

The party ended with Sam showing a video of the first year of Harrison Samuel Winchester’s life. The first picture that flashed on the screen was of Dean holding Harrison in the hospital right after his first bath. He was still in a towel and Dean was about to nurse him. There was disbelief that he had ever been that small. Then as the pictures and video clips progressed, there was laughter at his happy sweet faces and voice, and by the end, not a dry eye in the place. It was a beautiful film and Dean hugged Sam when it was over.

“Thanks for that, man. Thanks a million…” Dean choked out. Sam was hard pressed to do much besides clap Dean on the back in return. It was a great end to a great party.

Later as Dean rocked and nursed a squeaky clean Harrison to sleep, Sam joined them in the nursery. “Thanks for letting Eileen come and for being so good about it.”

“Naw man, she’s great...makes total sense. I thought you guys had something when we tracked that banshee, but…”

“But what?” Sam urged.

“Why didn’t you say anything for a year, Sammy?” Dean asked, trying not to sound hurt. He wasn’t really..not much anyway.

“Dean, don’t...don’t turn this on you. I didn’t say anything because I wanted to be sure. I don’t have the best track record and you and Cas had Sonny. I didn’t want to chance anything going south before it even began...so I kept her to myself. She got it though and for some crazy reason...she gets me.”

“C’mere, Sammy.” Dean hugged his little brother. “You love her and that’s good enough for me and Cas.”

“Dada,” Harrison said with a giggle as he was squished by Sam.

“And apparently good enough for Sonny boy here, huh big guy?’ Dean chimed in as his baby boy turned back to nurse again.

“I’ll let you get him to sleep.” Sam said standing to leave the room.

“Sam…”

“Yeah, Dean?”

“She’s welcome...to stay...you know that right? If that is what you want…”

“She’s gonna stay a couple weeks, give it a try.”

Dean smiled at his brother. “She still hunting?”

Sam blushed a bit. “Nah, she says’ she found what she was hunting for.”

“That’s my boy,” Dean cheered as he gave Sam a thumbs up and a wink. “Keep the noise down, huh? And stay out of the showers…”

“Jesus Dean..I knew it was too good to be true...You gotta break my balls even now…” Sam said as he shook is head and walked away.

Dean looked down at Harrison as he teetered between nursing and smiling. He had a hold of one foot and swung it back and forth, the other hand in his curls. “She’ll make it longer than two weeks, huh big guy?”

And she did.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not claim to know much of anything about the deaf community and did not intend to offend anyone with a hearing impairment. I just loved Eileen and thought she was the perfect match for Sam.


End file.
